Poor Muffin has been having problems going poop. He potty trained like a champ but he has a bit of a shy bowel, it seems. Ever since we pulled the diapers, he will go 2-4 days without pooping, whereas he used to go once per day. We know he has to poop because he runs around like a little man possessed. I almost expect to see the infamous 360 degree head spin from the exorcist. Fortunately, it’s not that bad. Yet. However, he literally does wind-sprints in the living room.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

For like eight hours.

No, unfortunately I’m not kidding.

No amount of sitting him down on the toilet to just relax and read a book seems to work. He needs to be ready…like within-seconds-of-Mr. Poop-making-his-appearance ready. Little dude cuts it close. He hasn’t had an accident though.

Unfortunately by stopping his body from going poop, he’s making himself constipated. I’ve been trying various things to get him more regular but nothing seems to be working very well. We recently had Muffin’s 3 year well-check and so I asked his pediatrician what we can do to help him go poop more easily and more often. He suggested prunes. Already tried it – he won’t eat them. The ped also suggested more fiber. Already do it – Muffin has a lot of fiber in his diet (we should buy stock in Kashi). So, our ped then suggested Milk of Magnesia. We had not yet brought out the big guns, so last night, after a very trying day with Muffin darting everywhere like a madman, we tried it.

Now, if you’ve ever had Milk of Magnesia you will know that it tastes like chalk. So, we selected the cherry flavored one. Which tastes like cherry flavored chalk. Not very palatable for a 3 year old. Getting Muffin to eat broccoli suddenly seems like a breeze in comparison to getting him to drink 1 tsp of this crap. He took a taste and decided it was not at all the delicious treat mommy and daddy had advertised. So I thought, WWMPD? A spoonful of sugar! Hmmm, pretty good but that’s not quite right for my dear sweet picky Muffin. Maybe I should think more like Lex Luther. Aha! The kryptonite of my little Muffin Man is…ice cream. So, out came the ice cream and that business got done! A chaser of chocolate ice cream in return for a sip of cherry flavored chalk. Needless to say that Muffin is crafty and that little cup of 1 tsp of Milk of Magnesia took about 5 sips (and, of course, 5 ice cream chasers) before it was finished.

1. Poops.
2. Gets wiped up and a clean diaper is part-way on (or, more tragically, still en route to her buttocks and she’s fully exposed and the whole changing pad and/or wall and/or mommy gets it).
3. Diaper #2 gets tossed and baby gets cleaned again.
4. Diaper #3 is on it’s way on and now the fountain of pee comes shooting across and Diaper #3 (and anything else in the path of destruction) meets it’s match. Yes, girls can get some serious distance too. Who knew!?!
5. Baby gets cleaned and diaper #4 is successful. Mommy needs a glass of wine.

Madam Poopsalot is a champion pooper but not in the area of poop consolidation, I’m afraid. My son was the same way when he was an infant. It’s like all babies are born knowing the same rules of pooping:

Baby Poop Rule #1: Thou shalt poop in the first diaper just enough to necessitate a diaper change, but reserve enough to dirty the second (or third) diaper immediately thereafter. Both my children seem to like a fresh canvas to do their work.

Baby Poop Rule #2: Thou shalt hold your poop until Mom has got you dressed and strapped into your car seat and is about to go somewhere important, for which she is already running 10 mins late.

Baby Poop Rule #3: Thou shalt poop mid-diaper change, preferably when your bottom is being lifted to put a diaper under it so as to maximize the possibility of the messiest trajectory of poop at the farthest distance possible. Poor Raising Daddy knows what I mean about this one…

Baby Poop Rule #4: Thou shalt have a Blowout Poop at the most inopportune time in the most inopportune place (ie. airplane when mommy doesn’t have a change of clothes for you or for herself and she is stuck in the middle seat between two strangers who don’t have children and now never will, if they can help it!!!).