Yes, I know…that was last month. Sadly I’m a month behind. Recently my part-time PAID consulting has increased and between that and my full-time real job(s) of milk-bag, drool-wiper, nose-wiper, bum-wiper, tear-wiper, human snot rag, dishwasher, maid, nurse, personal food taster, personal dresser, personal shopper, personal assistant, personal groomer, counsellor, motivational coach, and cheerleader…the blog has taken a bit of a back-seat.
Okay, so back to Mother’s Day and the post that I have been wanting to write for the past month. It’s about mother-in-laws. Specifically mine.
Mother-in-laws have a bad rap. Whenever I talk to my friend L, she brings up her mother-in-law, whom she loathes. In a gush of verbal diarrhea, she will list her mother-in-law’s most recent offences: she showed up unexpectedly, she stayed for hours, she “reorganized” the kitchen drawers. Then, pausing a moment to catch her breath, L will say, “Oh, you know how it is,” as if all daughter-in-laws belong to some anti-mother-in-law (not-so) secret society where we rage and commiserate about our inherited misfortune.
Well, here’s the thing: I do not belong to that club. I am one of those rare women who happen to love their mother-in-law. I got a good one and I fully recognize it. I am lucky, yes.
My mother-in-law is one of the savviest and generous women I know. She doesn’t deserve the bad rap that so many MILs get. I’ll admit though, I was a little worried before I met her. It was while Dr. McCutiePants and I were still just dating. Upon being “prepped” for my first meeting with her I was told that she was very assertive and very frank. “She’ll tell you exactly what she thinks,” I was warned. I wondered if she’d size me up and then announce brazenly, “Nope, not for my son!”
Our first time meeting each other was at a local dive bar in downtown San Francisco. The restaurant at which we had intended on meeting wasn’t yet open and so this was the closest thing open that served alcohol. They had just finished a round of golf and were fresh from the course and thristy. Later I would learn that she was chagrined that this was the venue of our first introduction. Well, maybe only slightly chagrined…she thought it was terribly funny.
That evening I realized that Dr. McCutiePants was right: his mother was very direct and unmistakably in charge. I was instantly captivated. She was strong, self-assured, and engaging. She was not afraid to speak her mind…and yet she also was very aware of the feelings and situation of others. Best of all, she had raised two boys to be very good men.
During the 6 years that I have known her, she has taught me a lot – everything from how to fold a fitted sheet so well that you’d swear it was a flat sheet to how to make the perfect yorkshire pudding. But more than anything else, she’s shown me a picture of a devoted and successful wife, mother, and woman. Although we are different in many more ways than we are similar, occasionally my husband will say, “Boy, sometimes I think I married my mother!”. I can’t think of a nicer compliment.
Sadly, she passed away from cancer last September. She fought hard and bravely, and with grace. Her funeral had over 250 attendees and was standing room only. She touched the lives of many and was very loved. I didn’t get enough time with her. None of us did. But her huge strong personality lives on, guiding us and still making us laugh.
A lovely tribute to her, J.