If I could have dinner with any famous dead person, it would be Charles Darwin.
Without a doubt.
On behalf of all mothers everywhere, I want to know why the hell we haven’t grown a third arm yet? And when the hell are we going to?!
Our species, Insanus Multitaskus is waiting.
Come on, Evolution throw us a bone will ya! It’s been hundreds of thousands of years that we’ve been schlepping around sleeping babies or crying toddlers (or both), while we simultaneously try to make dinner or fill a sippy cup one handed. We need another arm, dammit! So, Darwin, when is it coming? Have you ever tried to make dinner one-handed? Or how about changing a diaper while simultaneously trying to keep four continuously moving limbs out of the poopie-pie?
Come to think of it, that third arm should be a special bionic arm;
- Extra fast and long; able to reach out in a flash and catch that speedy preschooler before he gets away.
- Super bendable and able to contort impressively and reach that fallen toy in the backseat of the car while still driving.
How about eyes in the back of our head? I’m sure all mothers everywhere can appreciate how incredibly useful this would be. Nature should be working on that. Instead we have a tailbone. Oh hurray. A tailbone. Fabulous. As far as I can tell, the only use a tailbone serves us is to provide yet another place of pain during, and after, childbirth. My tailbone still freaking hurts, and it’s been 5 months since Madam Poopsalot’s birth! Come on Evolution, a tailbone?! Seriously?
